She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
