PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
