My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
