How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
