is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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