It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
