Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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