you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
