way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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