i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
