just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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