no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
