dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
