There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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