I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
