hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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