i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
