I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
