did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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