i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
