Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
