So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
