But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
