If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
