her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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