Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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