This is not my ceiling
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
