dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
