When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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