I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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