I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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