the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
