would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
