ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
