I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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