I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
