Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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