Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's official drugs can't kill me
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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