I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
