the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
