just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
