every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
