My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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