dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
