how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
