I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
