Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
