Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
