please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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