in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Do vagina's smell?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
