i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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