Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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