the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
4 words: hood of his car
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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