i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
