ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
