I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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