Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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