I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
